Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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