Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
