Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I can text with my tongue
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
