What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My ass is underappreciated
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
