I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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