i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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