I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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