Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
