Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize