Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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