your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
