I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
