You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
