just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
