Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize