i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
