im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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