fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
