Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
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