so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
