what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
