think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We are all done wearing pants today
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
