I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Everyone says I win the strip club
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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