so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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