apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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