At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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