those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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