Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
