Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
