I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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