I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
