I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
