dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Small penises have feelings too.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
