I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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