I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
