Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
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