Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Floor bacon is actually really good
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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