ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
