there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
