I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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