Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
