but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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