so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
ttyl tear gas
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
