he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
