Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
