good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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