She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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