im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
