morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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