Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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