Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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