we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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