Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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