well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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