she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
