mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
