I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
