I just threw up on my dentist
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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