I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
