You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
