I just made out with a guy for $7.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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