He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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