We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
