Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize