I heard we made out
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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