my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
