You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize