i wish my penis had a tongue
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
