oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
