If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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