i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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