thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Randomize
