I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
