i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
