Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
