I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
