Umm I'm too high to move.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
