I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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