my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
