My nipple is on Facebook.
smell my finger.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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