an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
