just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
