At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
