How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
