you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
