non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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