if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
