im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
worst night to have a conscience
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
