i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
